Elena

Elena

There is a legendary girl called Elena in my company.
I have never seen her though since she quit before I join.

According to the legend, she always wore deep V-neck shirt when she made a presentation to her clients.
Most customer just stare her breasts and just nods to what she said.
She did this intentionally and people called this Elena's magic.

Do you think if I wear something more sexy I can be like Elena.
If I can ask more help and corporation from my clients because of my appearance, I think it is useful.
Elena was a cleaver girl I believe.
When we work, what is matter is just the outcome, so by any means, if we can get nice outcomes,
it means we have worked well.
I think Elena was a girl who understand this.

One thing, I can not understand in corporate life.
I think black stocking is a extremely sexual costume although it is formal to wear it.
I am quite sure I wear a deep V-neck shirt showing half of my bests, people would think I am mad although people are ok with my black stockings.
I think formal clothes should not be really sexual however it is not necessarily right.
I am old enough understand things however still I can not.

Partner meeting

Partner meeting is an annal meeting with partners.
“Partners” are high positions in a companies.
We meet them one by one and they show us the next year's salary.
We do not really discuss but they just show it since my companies are quite Japanese.

This year, I've got the same as last year.
If they reduce my salary, I can not survive. So it is quite equal to reducing.

Last year I have many things at the company....
My performance was not good sadly.
This year they decided to grow me properly and allocate me nice place. I think it is such a warm decision. I really think I should appreciate their decision and work on it.
I always complain about Japanese society and angry about my fate that this society is the only place I can survive.

I think it is all right.
They care about me and did something for me to be comfortable to work.
So I started to learn and work properly.
I said thanks to them for their caring about various things and it was my realy thanks.
Last year, I had rather hard time in a not productive way.
This year I hope I will make much progress.
This is my dream to work properly and enjoy work and support myself and independent.
I think I am closer to that dream than before.
I still need to do lots of things such as study and work.
Because of today's meeting, I feel a bit, ,,, how to say,,,,I feel I need to be good to be here for more years. To be here is not easy.
This is my choice to be this kind of company.
I wanted to grow and I wanted to challenge even if it might be sometimes painful and tiring.
It is nicer than just sitting at boring company and wast my life, I thought.
I just started to work properly.
At my age, isn't it a bit late.
We can not choose life.

White man in Japan

It is famous story.
White men can be popular in Japanese girls. Here it must be heaven for them.
One of my white men friends says that he was never so poplar in other places and he is quite happy now here because of plenty girls.
You can have beautiful Japanese girls even every day if you are a white man. (I do not know other rase.) Of course, those girls could be certain type of girls.
I heard this kind of story often. No surprising.

My another white male friend, he has ext ream good English. The only disadvantage is that he can only speak in a girls way. He only speak with some certain type of girls and now he can only speak like those girls.

I think it is unfair.

We Japanese girl are not treated well and not spoken to properly. Therefore we are so easy to be attracted or impressed by people who treat us well and speak to us properly.
And western men take advantage of that weakness.
To sum up, nobody treat us fairly.

Here I am writing in a exaggerated way. I know many nice western people.
So please do not take personal.

Book club

I attended a bookclub.
It was my first time.
We have 9 pepople there. I could not finish the book however I think I should attend since I reserved and if I do not go, somone have to pay for my reservation.
So basically I attended there for food.
Food was really nice and the book club also.

The Book Thief.

My secret friend

I have a secret friend.
One day he talked to me MSN.
I met him when I was in London two years ago. Unfortunately I do not really remember his face though. He said he think I need friends and he can be one.
It is really true.
I need friends.
Why he can know that? From my blog?
In my blog, I write quite honest way, I agree. However I still hide many things.
I need proper friends and I do not have many. I do not say that way openly. T hat is really shameful since not having friends must be that one's fault. Lack of nice character so on. I do not think I wrote that way before.

Here I have many people around me and they are so nice to me.
However something is missing always.
The reason I think that way might be my fault since people are so nice.
If I say what I think really is...

If I say more honest,
people might be interested in having sex with me however nobody is interested in what I think.
Sorry it is really exaggerated.
When I talked about this with my colleague, he said , it is still lucky if I am interested in that way
I agree. Better than nothing.

I want to people around me who care how I think or if I am happy or cry. I think caring people and objects are different. When we care objects we do not care if that objects are happy or not.
I am saying rude and bad since I am treated well however I really feel I am treated as an object.
So I needed friend like him.
Is he my imaginary creature?
I talk with him over internet more than half year now.

Good morning

It is not really good morning.
I hate every morning.

When I wake up, I gradually realize where I am and why I am here.
I start to realize what I lost in my life which never come back.

I think I have lived this more than five years now,
I think I was not happy in the morning even when I was a child because of my
low blood presser.
So every morning, I put some effort to make me happy.
I need to listen my favourite music and I take worm bath with my favourite fruit tea.

My supervisor

My supervisor

I've got a new supervisor and she takes care of me really well.
My mentor is her boss as well.
After I move to a new team, I think I feel settled more now. I am assigned to a new project and work properly now.
She is really pretty and her appearance imply that she is good at work and she really is.

This night, we attend some study meeting and she made a presentation for us and many lawyers.
(I am not a lawyer or an accountant.)
She looked so confident and cool.
I am quite sure, if she was a man, I would be in love with her.

I like this new team so far.
Previous team, I had many Japanese accountants and they are quite difficult.
Japanese accounts often have too much pride in themselves. When some problem happen, the people who just proud of themselves are just nothing. We need to work for the problems and in that sense, the license or any qualification means nothing and people are just equal.
I think having qualification is of course nice thing since that means that person have some knowledge and skill to certain level. That knowledge and skills can be a powerful tool toward the problem. Unfortunately in some cases, people do not really use that tool.

Something I do not like

I am so rude however I would like to write what I think in my daily life here.
At my work, I moved to a new team and work with new people.
I am quite happy basically.
However there is a one man who I am not really happy with although he is nice.
He is a divorced man with a children who lives with his divorced wife.

He is nice however I can not have any affection to him.
I normally have affection to people even to people who are not popular among us though.
I still treat him nice since I think it is not fair since he is nice and do not harm me at least directly.

Why I dislike him? Disliking him makes me feel really bad. Am I a person who dislike people without reasonable reason?
Especially I do not like him when I find he looks at me when I do not notice and find it.
Please do not start in that way.
I am so small mind person.....however it is my real opinion..
I think I only need to communicate with him at work so I can just treat him nice in a usual way and I can ignore the feeling of disliking him.
I do not need to like him.

My work

Actaully I am quite abundant.
I've got a new boss and place and it is just starting time.
So I hope thing will be busy soon.
My boss is busy person and can not really take care of him.
Yes, unfortunately I need people who can take care of me to work
otherwise I do not know what I should do at the moemnt.
Am I just a burden?
This thought makes me really crazy.
So I need to get out this situation soon.

Dots on my body

I have some strainge dots on my body.
they are not really ichey though.
I am afraind they are caused by much stress and tiredness.
So I visited a doctor.
He said, he does not know what cause them.
I have had them alreay one month now.
I feel tired and even if I take a rest, I can not reciver well.
I think I need to take a trip at least for a week.

Curtain

I've got curtains in my room.
Untill then I live without curtains.
The period without curtain made me realize curtains are so importaint in our life.
We can not turn of light since people can see you from outside.
At night I spent without light so that people can not see me.

My curtain is brown.
My sofa-bed is white.

This is the decision I made.
I mean I deicded to have things in my room either white or brown.

My mentor

Recently I have one thing which makes me deeply depressive. My company have a mentor system.
My mentor quits the company and I've got a new one.
The former mentor , he is now to be an independent account.
He was kind to me and I really appriciate him.

This thinkgs what made me depressive is he never reply to my E-mail.
I believed him closer person to me.
Not only him. I have been in this company for a year and several people quit during this one year.
Most of them do not reply to me.
Some of them hate the company and do not want to communicate with any from this company.
However my mentor was not like that.
So I expect him to be in touch with me.
Maybe I am too attached to him.
In the working place, people are often too aggressive and pull people's legs to survive.
We need to be cleave in a political way.
Unfortunately I am to stupid to survive here.
He alway help me and listen to me. Sometimes he could not do anything with my problem and
soemtiems he gave me nice adovices and sometiems he did something toward them.
This way we build some relationship and I really like him.
Maybe I am too easily have affection to people since I do not have many who is kind to me
besides me.
I think I will be all right after a few month later, and will forget about him.
Until then I think I will carry a bit pain.

I also think this way.
Becasue of him, I am still at this company and working and studying in this field.
I should put more effort since my current position is not only from my ability but other
peopl's help such as my mentor.

Nobe-yokocho(Drunken-people-town-corner)

There is a famous area called Nonbe-yokocho.(Drunken-people-town-corner)
Last Friday, I visited with my friend and this was my first time.
It was relly impressive place. We can find many small pubs at this area.
Firstly the places are not just small but too small.
Inside of the pubs are like crowded train. I think it is ok for winter but not for summer.
Secondly pepople there are open-speaking Japanese mainly mid age men, called Ojisan.

I think some dacades ago, Japanese culture must have had this warm stomosphere.
Sometimes I am mad since nobody speak with me propely.
I tought this is becasue of stupid Japaense culture.
The time there made me a bit different toward Japanese society. We still have such a nice culture
at least in this small area.

computer/Firmware

In computing, firmware is a computer program that is embedded in a hardware device, for example a microcontroller
As its name suggests, firmware is somewhere between hardware and software.
The most famouse firmware is Bios.
This is enbeded in a small chip on the motherborad.
When we boot the computer, Bios detect which recognizes and initiate component hardware (such as hard disk, floppy and optical disk drives).

firmware
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Firmware
bios
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BIOS
Do you think if I get to now computer science one by one, in the end, I can be strong in this field?

Thai festival

Thai festival
I went to the Thai festival.
So many Thai food and products were there.


http://www.thaifestival.net/

Mother's day

Mother's day
Today is the mother's day
I love my mother much same as other daughters in the world.
My mother is a housewife and she did not seem to enjoy being one housewife, I am so scared to be a wife.
At the moment, I do not need to worry though ;)
women are so special in general. When they smile, the world looks happy an meaningful place and when they cry, world becomes dark meaningless place.
I am straight however I think women are special in this way.
My mother is from south part of Japan and her smile is so bright and impressive. However after she moved to Tokyo from her home town because of my father's transfer, she had difficulty for many years. In Tokyo, people behave in a different manner and do not really show what they think.
She always ask me to make her happy in non-said way. And I felt burden for it.
She needed someone who she can depended on and that should be my father not me.
Nobody can make people happy who do not try by themselves. Women are weak and being week is not bad since this gives the space for men to help women.
However I am so scared of being a weak women.
So I love my mother and at the same time I hate her.
Mother's figure has some meaning to daughters since their figures gives us some idea about our future and how people can be happy so on.
I just sent her flower and card and did not go back home.

Tokyo Linux Users Group

Tokyo Linux Users Group
http://tlug.linux.or.jp/
This is a technical meeting I sometime attend.
I attend this last Saturday.
As you can see from the name, it is a meeting who love Linux.
I am not strong however I strong love computer and Linux.


This meeting is composed of non Japanese although I can find some including me.
This time, two groups deliver the presentation.
I think around twenty people attended and mainly male.

(1)"Test Driven Development with Eclipse" by Josh Glover
Do you have any idea about TDD? This is
Test-Driven Development (TDD) is a software development technique consisting of short iterations where new test cases covering the desired improvement or new functionality are written first, then the production code necessary to pass the tests is implemented
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Test-driven_development
The presentation was with the performance with TDD in Java.
I have some basic idea about Java and object language however I was so lost what the presenter was
doing.

(2)"TOMOYO Linux Overview" by TOMOYO Linux Project.
This presentation was give by NTT Docomo people. TLUG is casually technical meeting and people do not really carry company name when they attend however this time they gave us their presentation more official way.
TOMOYO Linux is access control. I heard.
As far as I understand they embedded the source code of TOMOKO Linux to Ubuntu.
We have two time of access control. One is SE Linux and the other is TOMOYO Linux.
TOMOYO Linux is the access control preformed by userland process.

I do not really get the content however I love this meeting.
Firstly, sometimes I lose my passion to the computer in busy life however it revive my passion to it somehow. I would like to grow my knowledge and skill and would like to participate in this meeting more. This is one of my dream.
Secondly I like the atmosphere there. Engineers has that kind of atmosphere often.
They are the creators and often have some warm atmosphere and that remind me my school day at engineering University.

Underwear

I was drying my clothes at the veranda at nigh.
When I woke up in the next morning, I find out some of my clothes is missing including my
underwear.
The wind was really strong that nigh and I should have been more cautious.
When I looked down from the veranda, I find my clothes in the ground floor garden. I tired to take it
from out side of the garden however I could not make it.
I needed to ask help the resident on this floor to get in.
In Tokyo, neighbours do not communicate and I hardly know who live on the ground floor especially
it is not my floor, my floor is the third.
I knocked one of the door on the ground floor and I find one guy coming out and I explained.
He was kind enough let me go though his room to get in the garden.
I was able to collect my clothes including my underwear.
Since I do not have many chances to get into other people's room in the same building, I
was a bit curious. I looked quite much for that small seconds.
I found out ground floor residence has basement floor and I found out this guy seemed to be a
lover of bicycles and seemed to live alone.
His ground floor room was occupied with a big dinning table.
I thought he might live with his family however I can see there are only shoes for this guy at the door.
To sum up, I was able to collect my clothes and my neighbour was kind and seemed to quite silent.
and I was a bit rude to look at his room using this event.

computer/network layers

Here I would like to write about network layer.
I LOVE somputer things althouhg I am not strong.
However I belive I can develop my knbowledge step byp.
Revently I have learn about network layer from my British nerd friend
and would like to share this with other friends.

There are many protocols in the family of TCP/IP such as ICMP,FTP,DHCP,SSL,UDP.
Those protocols work on networking.

OSI 7layers model of networking
These are imaginary layers and we can understand how the layers work.
Those layers are independent.

7 Application layer (FTP, SMTP,POP3,IMAP)
6 Presentation layer (HTML)
5 Session layer (LOGINS)
4 Transport layer (TCP, UDP)
3 Network layer (IP,ICMP)
2 Data-Link layer (ETHERNET)
1 Physical layer (NETWORKING DRIVER)

Tip to remember: Please Do Not Throw Soussage Pizza Away

TCP: Transmition Control Protcol

UDP: User Datagram Protocol
unreliable and best effort

The book club

I was to attend a book club last week however I attend my mentor's farewell party and could not attend the book club.
Since I was looking forward to it, it is a bit disappointing.
Never mind, I can attend the next one.
The next meeting, we are to read The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan

My new boss

I've got a new boss.
At the moment , I am not give much work from him yet. I wish he will.
I had some chance to talk with him at a party. It was really nice conversation.
What he said was quite impressive and I think I will keep that in my mind for good.
I asked him what he expect from me. His answer was that I managed to solve the problems in any situation by thinking logically. He does not really expects me some knowledge or skill.
Some people are just proud of their positions or qualification and do not take responsibility toward the situation. For example, imagine we are diving in the deep sea, and some problem happens.
We really need to solve the problem to survive. In that situation, being proud of a position or qualification means nothing.

I remember my Suffolk father said similar to me.
He said people have to work to earn love and trust. Sometime people believe they deserve to be loved because of their position and get angry it they are not loved enough. Ex. A husband believes he deserves to be loved by his wife just because of his position.
He talked about this in front of a fireplace drinking wine. The time there was just like a film.

Now I am in Tokyo.

My mentor

My mentor at my company said that I should consult an executive to discuss about my work since obviously I am not happy with my work. He said that if I do nothing there is no chance I can be at the company. So it is worth to try. The situation might be improved. It was a bit hard to talk with an executive since I feel just insecure.
Actually my body was quite exhausted because of weak immune system coming from the stress in these day's situation.
However I did my best since I really want to work there properly and I wan to develop.
The executive asked me if I think I am for this work or not. I said to him that I can not say if I am for this work or not however I can say if I like this work or not. I like my work itself and I have will to improve.
So I never find myself fit for anything. So I just choose my life not from the point if my ability or character is for this or not but if I want to do this or not. And I believe God gives me enough ability to do what I want. I never really feel the short of my ability however there are something I needed to put much effort to obtain.
What is important for me is to be given the work and the environment to work. Other things I do not care. So I do not write in detail what were things which I am not happy with so on.
The executive allocates me a new place to work in the same department.
I am not really sure if it works well yet though. I think my mentor did much work for me to this happen. He is quitting the work to have his own business therefore whatever he did he had nothing
to lose, once he said. I really appreciate his caring and work.
Wish me good luck!

Together

My computer got a virus recently.
I am just so stupid. One of my friends who hardly talks to me said on MSN that he found my picture on the internet and would like to show me and receive the file from him.
This is how I've got a virus.
Just after I received e file, I notice that something wrong however it was too late.
If you are the person who have seen my MSN did something wrong to you, sorry for that although my of you are cleave enough to ignore that.
Same as computer, I've got a virus on my body.
I've got some red spots on my body and they are quite painful. I heard that when people have stress, often people have this symptom although this red spots are caused by virus.
I was not really happy at work so there is not wonder I've got this disease.
I think I am so with my computer.