Pancake with Salmon

Seriously, how do you think?

Autumn Leaves

Beautiful, isn't it?!
Here in Japan, we appreciate the autumn leaves.
I went to Izu and enjoy the tress there.

I have been doing hiking for a past few years.
I am belonging to a outdoor club and have some hiking things like sleeping bag and tents and shoes.

After the hiking, I can have red cheeks and feel really good.
Mentally I can feel really nice as well.

dung beetle

I found a dung beetle in Tokyo.
Actually he was cute.

Japanese cakes

I think cakes in Japan is amazing.
Sometimes I wonder cakes in France can be better?
When I was there, I should have tried.

"why do you think pepole don't like talking to you?"

why do you think pepole don't like talking to you?

This is a question from my friend who lives far away.
I thinks this question is really core to who I am. So I decided to write here.


I have been suffered from a feeling of people around me do not really care how I feel and think.
This feeling still makes a hole in my hart and might make my life harder than it should be.

Since I was a child, I have a a bit difficult relationship with my sis.
She was really mean to me every single minutes and said mean things every time I saw her.
I know why she was like that now.
To her eyes, I had everything, love from family and friend and good score at school and everything.
She had really hard time as well. However I still wonder sometime, if she ever imagine how I felt from what she behaved.
Whatever she did to me, I hope she would be different tomorrow and continue to be nice to her.
So for her, I am a person who should be nice and do not feel anything whatever she does.
I want to say to sis, I am still human and feel pain.

My parents did not help me from this problems.
They did not know what to do with it and forced me to just take it.
I would have been better if they ever tired to something to sort out even if it was not successful.
For them, I am a tough girl. However it does not mean I do not feel pain.

My Ex almost left me alone on Christmas eve.
His ex-girlfriend was so called "best friend" and wanted to have exclusive dinner with him.
She always excluded me.
and he was not find it offensive and even support that exclusive dinner.
I expect him to protect me from that kind of rude people than work with that kind of people.
She had her boy friend but he was also going somewhere else.
For some people, Christmas eve was not important. However it was not the case for me.
My Christmas wish was to have nice dinner with friends and him.
He said I was a tough girl and I would find some friend to go out. and he did not care what I want to Christmas.


Now I realized people think I am tough and ok and that is why they do not care what I feel and think.
I feel sad about this.
I might behave tough but I am quite fragile in real.
Even if I am tough, I want people around me care what I feel and think, because I do care what they feel and think.

Club at Night

In Tokyo, there is an area called "Roppngi". This is real night area.
I do not know much about this area and did not much chance to go clubs there.
I like music and dance but simply I did not have friends who likes dances especially at that kind of night area.

Last Thursday, my new friend plan to go night club at Roppngi.
I felt so stress from many things in life and I thought it was a great chance to release the stress.
I can dance and sweat and feel nice, right?!
We were four girls and the club was empty at 8 pm. It is weekday, no wonder and this was what we wanted.
Until the last train we can dance!
The last train would be around 11:30 so I decided to dance as much as for this two and half hours.
when we entered there there are almost no one there but gradually people were coming and in the end it was so crowded.

I was amazed by three things there.
1. Guys are like mosquito.
We were four girls and the place is Roppongi, where is infamous meat market.

2. Some girls, their body was composed of boobs and bums.
I have seen three girls they had enormous boobs. Their tops were so small and thier boobs were almost falling out.
They wear really shirt skirt and sit high chair so
I can see their underwear.
I think they are so unique and wanted to take picture with them.
I asked them saying "I think you are so pretty and I want to take picture with you. Do you mind? "
I was saying polite but actually I felt more like I want to take a picture of some Characters.
They said they felt shy.
Some minutes later , some guys were holing their boobs in the public and girls looks ok with it.

3. There are so many different people and it was almost like and Human Museum.
I can see some guys who were like my grandpa age.
I do not know what he is doing.
I can see so different races and ages and sex.

When I was in London, going to clubs was my favorite.
I have learned how nice club can be at that time.

This night I enjoy music and dancing. I felt quite nice after two hours dancing.
But I have to admit, I miss something.

I am just on my period

If you are nice, if you are right, things would work well?
No, world is not like that .
If you are nice, people would take advantage of you, and if you are right, it is not the matter since rightness would be veried
depend on the view and what is whatter is powerbalance.

I felt this way.　
Maybe I am just on my period.
Then what I can be like? I have no idea.

Halloween

Halloween costume idea

Halloween is coming. I think it is a bit wast of money to buy a expensive costume.
And I goggle what I can do.
Here is the idea.
I might be a Sleep Walker Costume
or, I am thinking of a small devil.

maybe a small devil think people might think I am too lazy if I just wear pajyama and saying sleep walker costume.






Tic Tac Toe Board Costume-
Ｙｏｕ　wear black T-shirt. You draw the flame of Tic Tac Toe with white adhesive tape.
Then draw ○×.


Sleep Walker Costume-
You wear your pajyama with wearing curlers on your head.
You can bring your teddy bear.

"BOX"Costume-
You wear brawn clothes. You wear cardboard box at your arms and legs and head.

Chalkboard Costume
You wear green clothes. and attach you halkboard eraser.
You might want to wear a baseball cap,

small devil
You wear black clothes and attache a tail. Wear hairband with ears.

Le Creuset Bean Pot

Le Creuset Bean Pot　

In my life, I have fallen in love with some products.
Probably not that many but some.
This is one of them.
It is a kind of soup bowl made from stone and produced by a cmapny called Le Creuset .
this is a palm size and so cute.
You can see the picture.
How cute is that !!

Actually it is really hard to get this one if you are out of Europe.
I do not know why but many shops do not sell this designe out of Europe.
My ex-boyfriend got two bowls as a prent for me one day.
When we were together, we used together. They are great soup bowl and keep soup warm really long.
After we broke up, he did not give me that soup bowl saying he loves that bowls.

Who pay??

If you go out with someone, do you think who pay?
Here in Japan, men do not really pay. Of course, some men pay but not all and commonly believed men do not need to pay for a girl.
I am a girl.
I think people basically should pay for what they eat and drink. and if the man want to pay for me, I would appriciate but I do not expect him to pay.
Dinner at restaurant is quite expensive therefore expecting a man to pay the whole is to much burden, I think.

When I talk about this with British male friend, he said my idea is such a starange idea and my standerd is too low.
He even said I should have higher standerd.
I felt a bit sad about this.
I think I can respect the custome. I mean if Japanese guy do going dutch, it is fine since it is thier custome.
But if western guy doing dutch, defenetly, I am not treated well.
In my life, I have been dated out with western guy in Tokyo and mostly we did going dutch.
Why it is like that??
I was not important for them? I was not pretty enough??

From now on, do you think I should guy to pay for my meal?
Well.....
I would not do that. Since I feel bad if a guy do not pay so I think I should just expect me to pay for myself.
That all.

a boy in MacDonald

Ｉ　ｗｅｎｔ　ｔｏ　Ｍａｃｄｏｎａｌｄ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｍｙ　sister and her daughter the last Sunday.
Every two weeks, they provide a new seson menue and I wanted to try this seson manue "Cheese fondue".


"Cheese fondue" was ok but not that impressive. I thought I can enjoy chees more but the cheese was more think liquid than
I imagines. And when we fish the early lunch, I have notice a little boy alone eating a cheese burger with a cup of tap water.
Probably he is under ten year old.
Here in Japan, we can buy a cheese burger around less than $1. Is it same in other countries?
The set meal can be a bit pricey but if we purchase just a burger, it is really cheap.
I do not know about the boy at all and we did not talk to him since we were really just leaving.
Maybe even if we had noticed before, we should not talked to him since we might spoil his relaxing time.
However I just imagine, it must be so lonely feeling to eat a burger alone in the Sunday branch time.

Caving

Caving

I went caving with one British guy and two French. Four of us.
Since I am a Japanese, I am a minority in this group.

When I stranded in front of the cave, it was like opening the refrigerator. I can feel the really cold wind.
Except me, we are experienced caving people. I am really new and do not know anything at all. My company really took care of me so well. Thank you very much.

In the cave, I have seen several insects with various shapes. All of them are complete white.

My sister

My sister and I have had a quite difficult relationship for really long time.
We are so different by nature and think quite differently.
She is quite shay and laid back. I am quite outgoing and love to go out and meet people.
She can enjoy staying home even for a year without getting out at all. I can not stay home more than two days I need to get out to breath the outer air.
For long time, she was mean to me every single minutes. That was quite tough thing for me.
Since I felt I had burden every single minutes and I could expect something negative happen every single minute.
I had had really hard years because of her and I continue to get hurt for many years. Every day, I used to kind of wish she would different today! and betrayed again and again. I thought I should not gave up on her and keep the wish.
My parents did not know what to do about this and they just left this problem. My parents did not do anything at all about this. That was hard things to me since it give me the idea that my family do not care about my problem and pain at all who I can expect the care.
So I got hurt double like this.
After she married, she stopped being mean to me since we did not have chance to communicate much. However I can not just forgot what I had such long years and just trust her immediately. She was the person who hurt me such a long years and she does not care about my feeling. I thought that way. So I thought without her apology or something, I can not just built trust on her and I thought she need to work to earn some trust and forgiveness from me.
Should I just give up on her ?
I was thinking such a long years.
Now, I have some idea about her. Why she was so mean to me in that hard way? I really thought about that hard.
Before because of my pain and anger, I could not think about that . I just thought whatever the reason it was so bad of her to be bad to me since i am so nice to her and we are sisters and only sisters in the world.
So I could not really think why she was like that .
However now I think she was having really hard time. My family have other problem and my parents often payed much attention to me since I am so social and talked a lot and bring many people to house. Because of me, she must felt she was left behind. and that was extremely tough thing and she really needed someone who can express love to her.
I started to feel really sorry for her pain.

And I decided to speak to her properly what I think. I wrote to her I am not angry with her anymore and I do not need her apology since I really understand she herself had hard time.
She is quite laid back and have not meet many people in her life. I walk around the world and have met many amazing people and speak to me properly.
So I decided to share my world as much as possible with her.
Before i never take her to my friend place since I thought it would be really embarrassing and not enjoyable to have a sister to be mean in front of my friends.
Now I think I can take her wherever I go. Since she married with two year old daughter, I do not think she can go out much.

So, my sister and I just started to have human relationship.
I recently took her to see my Australian friend ! I invited and she came.
Nice happy ending story, isn't it?!

Over sea Guests

Over sea Guests

The end of the last month, I have two sent of over sea guests.
They stayed at hotel but I mean they are guests to Japan. I made friends with them when I was in other countries and thanks for the internet technology, I kept touch with thanks for the internet technology, I kept touch with them.

One is from London, where my hart belong. What I admire about London is that people really talking to me toward what I said.

They are young new married couple and the husband is my friend initially.
Mostly our relationship was just online but I believe we really develop some trsut friendship.
how?....
I just think he understand my thought or at least some interest in my thought
and really care what I think and feel. If I am sad , I think he would genuinely care.
Most of the people do not care what I think and feel and,
Some people only care only if I have something for them.

I spent one day showing them in Tokyo and I really enjoyed.
They are so cute together. I wish I can find my other half soon.

The other guests are from Australia. Young mother and a toddler.
She was visiting to Japan to buy Japanese books and DVDs for him. When I met her, I brought my sister and her toddler as well.
I thought it nice if I can show nice friends to my sister as well as fun.
My sister and I have a bit difficult relationship for really long time. It will talk about that some other time,
but anyway I wanted to show her to my nice friends.
When I walked in the middle of the Tokyo with two young mothers and toddlers, I felt like I need to keep eyes on everything and use my nerve 200%.
Next day, I slept the whole day..

Tokyo Hacker Space

Tokyo Hacker Space

My Friend, Kameroon　started Tokyo Hacker Space with his friends.
It is really hard to explain what is Tokyo Hacker Space. They lent a house and hang around together and
they do something creative whatever they like. People do not like there though.
It is like a lounge we can relax and do out own work or some project.

People can be a monthly member whenever they feel like.
I am quite busy with other things in my life and in the end, I am member mostly every two month.

At the moment, I do not have any project I am in.
As far as I understand, people do some project like collecting old computers and repair or install some Linux
and donate them to orphan house.
They also plan to teach computer to orphans so that it will help their future.

The website has some Japanese cartoon robot character on it. I think it looks so nerdy.


http://www.tokyohackerspace.org/