Pancake with Salmon

Seriously, how do you think?

Autumn Leaves

Beautiful, isn't it?!
Here in Japan, we appreciate the autumn leaves.
I went to Izu and enjoy the tress there.

I have been doing hiking for a past few years.
I am belonging to a outdoor club and have some hiking things like sleeping bag and tents and shoes.

After the hiking, I can have red cheeks and feel really good.
Mentally I can feel really nice as well.

dung beetle

I found a dung beetle in Tokyo.
Actually he was cute.

Japanese cakes

I think cakes in Japan is amazing.
Sometimes I wonder cakes in France can be better?
When I was there, I should have tried.

"why do you think pepole don't like talking to you?"

why do you think pepole don't like talking to you?

This is a question from my friend who lives far away.
I thinks this question is really core to who I am. So I decided to write here.


I have been suffered from a feeling of people around me do not really care how I feel and think.
This feeling still makes a hole in my hart and might make my life harder than it should be.

Since I was a child, I have a a bit difficult relationship with my sis.
She was really mean to me every single minutes and said mean things every time I saw her.
I know why she was like that now.
To her eyes, I had everything, love from family and friend and good score at school and everything.
She had really hard time as well. However I still wonder sometime, if she ever imagine how I felt from what she behaved.
Whatever she did to me, I hope she would be different tomorrow and continue to be nice to her.
So for her, I am a person who should be nice and do not feel anything whatever she does.
I want to say to sis, I am still human and feel pain.

My parents did not help me from this problems.
They did not know what to do with it and forced me to just take it.
I would have been better if they ever tired to something to sort out even if it was not successful.
For them, I am a tough girl. However it does not mean I do not feel pain.

My Ex almost left me alone on Christmas eve.
His ex-girlfriend was so called "best friend" and wanted to have exclusive dinner with him.
She always excluded me.
and he was not find it offensive and even support that exclusive dinner.
I expect him to protect me from that kind of rude people than work with that kind of people.
She had her boy friend but he was also going somewhere else.
For some people, Christmas eve was not important. However it was not the case for me.
My Christmas wish was to have nice dinner with friends and him.
He said I was a tough girl and I would find some friend to go out. and he did not care what I want to Christmas.


Now I realized people think I am tough and ok and that is why they do not care what I feel and think.
I feel sad about this.
I might behave tough but I am quite fragile in real.
Even if I am tough, I want people around me care what I feel and think, because I do care what they feel and think.

Club at Night

In Tokyo, there is an area called "Roppngi". This is real night area.
I do not know much about this area and did not much chance to go clubs there.
I like music and dance but simply I did not have friends who likes dances especially at that kind of night area.

Last Thursday, my new friend plan to go night club at Roppngi.
I felt so stress from many things in life and I thought it was a great chance to release the stress.
I can dance and sweat and feel nice, right?!
We were four girls and the club was empty at 8 pm. It is weekday, no wonder and this was what we wanted.
Until the last train we can dance!
The last train would be around 11:30 so I decided to dance as much as for this two and half hours.
when we entered there there are almost no one there but gradually people were coming and in the end it was so crowded.

I was amazed by three things there.
1. Guys are like mosquito.
We were four girls and the place is Roppongi, where is infamous meat market.

2. Some girls, their body was composed of boobs and bums.
I have seen three girls they had enormous boobs. Their tops were so small and thier boobs were almost falling out.
They wear really shirt skirt and sit high chair so
I can see their underwear.
I think they are so unique and wanted to take picture with them.
I asked them saying "I think you are so pretty and I want to take picture with you. Do you mind? "
I was saying polite but actually I felt more like I want to take a picture of some Characters.
They said they felt shy.
Some minutes later , some guys were holing their boobs in the public and girls looks ok with it.

3. There are so many different people and it was almost like and Human Museum.
I can see some guys who were like my grandpa age.
I do not know what he is doing.
I can see so different races and ages and sex.

When I was in London, going to clubs was my favorite.
I have learned how nice club can be at that time.

This night I enjoy music and dancing. I felt quite nice after two hours dancing.
But I have to admit, I miss something.

I am just on my period

If you are nice, if you are right, things would work well?
No, world is not like that .
If you are nice, people would take advantage of you, and if you are right, it is not the matter since rightness would be veried
depend on the view and what is whatter is powerbalance.

I felt this way.　
Maybe I am just on my period.
Then what I can be like? I have no idea.