"why do you think pepole don't like talking to you?"

why do you think pepole don't like talking to you?

This is a question from my friend who lives far away.
I thinks this question is really core to who I am. So I decided to write here.


I have been suffered from a feeling of people around me do not really care how I feel and think.
This feeling still makes a hole in my hart and might make my life harder than it should be.

Since I was a child, I have a a bit difficult relationship with my sis.
She was really mean to me every single minutes and said mean things every time I saw her.
I know why she was like that now.
To her eyes, I had everything, love from family and friend and good score at school and everything.
She had really hard time as well. However I still wonder sometime, if she ever imagine how I felt from what she behaved.
Whatever she did to me, I hope she would be different tomorrow and continue to be nice to her.
So for her, I am a person who should be nice and do not feel anything whatever she does.
I want to say to sis, I am still human and feel pain.

My parents did not help me from this problems.
They did not know what to do with it and forced me to just take it.
I would have been better if they ever tired to something to sort out even if it was not successful.
For them, I am a tough girl. However it does not mean I do not feel pain.

My Ex almost left me alone on Christmas eve.
His ex-girlfriend was so called "best friend" and wanted to have exclusive dinner with him.
She always excluded me.
and he was not find it offensive and even support that exclusive dinner.
I expect him to protect me from that kind of rude people than work with that kind of people.
She had her boy friend but he was also going somewhere else.
For some people, Christmas eve was not important. However it was not the case for me.
My Christmas wish was to have nice dinner with friends and him.
He said I was a tough girl and I would find some friend to go out. and he did not care what I want to Christmas.


Now I realized people think I am tough and ok and that is why they do not care what I feel and think.
I feel sad about this.
I might behave tough but I am quite fragile in real.
Even if I am tough, I want people around me care what I feel and think, because I do care what they feel and think.