Mean girl

If you are my close friend, you know that I tend to be mean to Japanese boys in a horrible way even if it is my first time to meet them because they remind me some Japanese boys’ character.
Today, I was mean to a Japanese boy who I did not know before.

Actually I do not want to be a mean girl, never ever. You should know that nobody want to be mean.
The day when I am mean, I would cry in my room after that seriously. It is getting better but still I am struggling with it. God help me, I am screaming in my mind.

In my Japanese culture, people do not express their opinion much because we believe that if we express our opinion we have to take whole responsibility of the issue.
We are just careful. Expressing the opinion could mean taking a risk.
We do not comment on what we are not ready to take responsibility. Wise Japanese people might try to avoid the chance to take responsibility as much as possible and do not express their opinion.
Sometimes I am angry with this attitude because it makes me really sad.
My close male friends did not help me when I was threatened and took money by some boys, my friends are just ignored although they are gentle and worried me much.
Why were you just watching? Maybe I am not wise like Japanese boys and I do not need to be wise. I like Japanese boys and that is why I have struggled to understand and that makes me really sad.
This is the reason I am mean sometimes.
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